One of the most common questions I get from mamas is “how do I know my baby is not hungry when he/she wakes at night?”
So the ultimate question.
How do you balance the need for calories and the need for sleep?
Each of these are equally important.
Why dads can be the secret ingredient to helping baby sleep
This has been the most requested blog in my household, mainly because my husband reminds me often that dad’s stress about sleep too. We often talk about tired mama’s but dad’s are in this as well! They have helped prepare for this baby for the last 9 months, been there in the delivery room and bonded with that baby just as much as you have. Yet in the midst of all the chaos, we sometimes don’t acknowledge their contributions (after all, who ran out to get you a burger and french fries when you were 8 months pregnant and had an itch for junk food at 10pm? just me? anyone else? Obviously their contributions are much greater than this, but nothing is more important than that burger at that moment in time.)
Sometimes the dad role is not easy either. Heck, parenting is not easy. It’s the hardest job in the world but the most rewarding and best job in the world, all at once. It’s a whirlwind of love and frustration.
If you or your partner are lacking in sleep, then the job becomes even more frustrating and emotional, hiding all the beautiful moments and sometimes creating tension, distance and a breakdown in communication.
Why dads are key to achieving sleep for the whole family…
How Covid-19 Is Affecting Our Child's Sleep And What We Can Do About It
This Covid-19 crises has been hard on everyone and if you think it’s not affecting our children, it definitely does.
This is not to be all doom and gloom but realistically what affects us, affects our kids. Also, changing a baby/child’s routine will always require an adjustment. Change is not easy.
The good news is we can certainly do things to help. We can’t always control the circumstances but we can always control how we respond.
Having weathered the last two months with my own 18 month old and 3 year old and having received feedback from many clients, mom friends and from the conversation I’m seeing in mommy groups and on social media, there are a few key trends that are surfacing with regards to sleep problems.
Here are three main sleep problems that I’m seeing. Do these apply to you?…
The ONE Thing That Is Responsible For Transforming My Family's Sleep
I often tell my story, being a first time mom with a traumatic start to motherhood. My son developed a fever at 2 days old and needed to be rushed back to the hospital (how I noticed he had a fever is a miracle).
He was severely dehydrated, has lost over 14% of his birth weight and was basically starving.
Me as a first time mom, assumed he had been getting my milk. He wasn’t. Our ordeal included 5 days with IV’s (watching them try to find a vein on a 2 day old was traumatizing), a spinal tab and lots of scary moments. So much so, that I was not able to breastfeed my second baby due to PTSD from the experience. It was just the beginning of my breastfeeding struggles.
But I digress.
I ended up rocking and holding my baby to sleep and at 4 months, I couldn’t do it anymore.
I was exhausted. I never talk about this in detail when I tell my story but I should….
How turning up the noise can lead to better sleep!
Say what?!?
Yup. You heard me or was the white noise on too loud? (lame joke) Not just any noise however, I’m talking about white noise.
Our babies are used to loud noise 24/7 while in the womb. So it’s no surprise that newborns sometimes sleep better in a noisy room. They are used to the sound of blood rushing through your body, your breathing in and out and mom’s heartbeat. It’s an orchestra in there! As loud at 80-90 Decibels. Silence can be unnerving.
White noise can help create this womb-like environment. No only does it help calm babies but it helps them fall asleep faster and sleep longer.
3 Important Guidelines to Follow When Choosing The Perfect Swaddle or Sleep Sack
Not every sleep product is made the same….I had no idea about this when I had my first baby.
Swaddle, sleep sack…so many brands, sizes, styles to choose from. It makes your brain hurt.
Like does it really matter??
IT DOES. Yes, I generally follow the “You do you” philosophy. Except in this case, I have some serious preferences and recommendations.
Here are three main guidelines I follow when recommending a sleep sack or swaddle…
Newborn Case Study: Henry – 2 months old.
Before: Henry needed assistance for naps and they were often short. At night he was waking every 2-3 hours and was fussy going down, waking up multiple times in the first half of the night. When he woke up at night, he would be up for 2 hours before falling back asleep with his parent’s assistance.
Mom and Dad where feeling frustrated and exhausted.
Now: Falls asleep independently for naps. Is having 3 naps a day, can link sleep cycles and achieve longer naps (average is 1.5 hours), is getting around 4 hours of day sleep. Is waking once for a feed at night. Stretches are 7 hours between feeds or longer. Is doing longer stretches at night, sleeping independently and linking sleep cycles. Henry now has a predictable schedule and is a rested, happy baby.
Mom and Dad are now rested, get a break during naps and have time to spend with both their young kids.
The Three Things You Must Implement To Achieve Better Naps!
Naps are LIFE!
Not only are they needed for brain development and to consolidate memory but are ESSENTIAL for a child’s physical and emotional development. They are a biological necessity.
In addition to this they are a time for rest and re-charge for parents and children. So they are a necessity for YOU and your mental health as well. Especially now, in the crisis we are currently living and the reality that we are spending all day indoors with our children.
During this time MORE THAN EVER do we need consistent routines and naps. For security, mental health and to keep a parents sanity. I’m sure you’ve experienced the rath of an infant that has skipped a nap. Enough said.
Here are three things to implement that will help you achieve better naps:
5 lessons I learnt while travelling with two babies under 3
As I sit here listening to the waves crash, waiting for the sunrise over the ocean…I reflect on this family trip so far.
I have two perspectives. The first, of a tired parent who is constantly changing diapers, wet bathing suits and washing sand off..pretty much everything.
It’s exhausting travelling with kids.Sitting down is a luxury. In between keeping them safe, playing with them and feeding them, there is little time for rest and relaxation for parents. The funny thing is that I brought a book! Thinking I would have time to read…pfff! lol.
The second perspective is a bigger understanding of the value of spending focused time together. Making memories, laughing together and being present. My husband and I have witnessed our kids explore new things, share together, embrace new experiences and enjoy themselves so frikken much. Which is worth every wet bathing suit moment.
However, in order to enjoy the latter and not be overcome with exhaustion, the key is always: Sleep.
We ensure that we sleep well on vacation. It allows us to start each day with energy, excitement and a clear mind. To enjoy our experiences more clearly and to be our best selves.
Our kids sleep the same here as at home, although the circumstances are not always perfect. We still aim for a 7pm to 7am schedule with at least 12 hours of night sleep. Along with one/two good naps of at least 2.5 hours for our 16 month old and 1.5 hours or sometimes longer for our 3 year old (I’ll explain below in lesson 5, why I allow them to be longer and how I adjust while on vacation).
How do we do this? Here are some lessons and observations on how we achieve some great sleep while traveling!
The Truth about What Infant Sleep Actually Looks Like
I often get asked by parents if their baby or their baby’s sleep behaviour is “normal”
My answer is almost always yes.
There is a term that gets tossed around a lot of discussions around infant sleep: “biologically normal”
I hate this term, it makes me cringe. What does it even mean? Everything is biologically normal.
If my baby doesn’t fit into this “normal” category are they “abnormal”? NOOOO
Let’s unpack this…
Ditching the pacifier: A How-To Guide
Gentle Sleep Training and why it works!
I find that there is a HUGE misconception out there that there is only one way to help your baby sleep independently.
Helping a baby link their sleep cycles on their own can be done using a number of different techniques. Some are faster and some are more gradual, they take time and lots of patience.
Choosing how to approach sleep depends on so many factors that are unique to your baby and family. Nothing you choose should compromise your parenting philosophy.
By working on all the factors that affect sleep first, you can optimize your chances for success.
What is “gentle” sleep training anyway? To be honest gentle sleep training can mean whatever you want it to mean. Usually the goal is to keep tears to a minimum while helping your baby learn a new way to fall asleep.
Here’s the fascinating thing about the human brain…
Case Study: Baby Ava - 3 months old
Before: Mom came to me needing some help getting little Ava on a good schedule.
She was having short 30-minute naps and needed to be held and rocked each time.
Mom has a toddler at home so really wanted Ava to start sleeping independently so she could manage both babies and have some time to herself while she napped.
Mom also wanted to get a nice long stretch at night as Ava was getting up multiple times throughout the night.
The Plan: We implemented a comprehensive and very customized plan for Ava. Due to Ava’s age we choose a very gentle and gradual approach that still allowed her mom to assist her when needed.
Ava’s mom put her down at the right times to avoid her getting overtired and implemented an earlier bedtime. If Ava had a short nap, mom was able to confidently troubleshoot the day and she started sleeping longer stretches at night.
Now: Ava goes down awake and falls asleep independently for naps. She has lengthened her naps to up to hours for the afternoon nap! Meaning that at 4 months she has mastered putting herself to sleep.
She is only getting up once at night to feed and then sleeping until morning where she wakes for the next feed. She is on two feeds at night which is very age appropriate and suits her (and mom). Mom puts her back in her crib awake after her feed and she puts herself back to sleep. She is also able to actively put herself to sleep at other wake-ups during the night. Mom is now sleeping long stretches and feels rested and energized throughout the day.
Ava now has predictable naps, is a rested happy baby and mom can now plan naps on the go as she also has to take her toddler to activities.
We were able to achieve everything on their wish list and her parents were able to achieve their goals.
This family was such a pleasure to work with. They needed some guidance but once given their action plan, implemented it perfectly and saw beautiful results!
Little Ava will now be a great little sleeper for life and her parents can enjoy both of their girls to the fullest!
Case Study: Baby Oakley - 4 months old
Before: Short naps. Rocked to sleep and waking every 20-40 minutes at the beginning half of the night.
Now: Falls asleep without fussing within 5 minutes. Able to sleep independently, waking once at night to eat and sleeping 12 hours with no rocking or crying. Longer naps, predictable schedule and a rested happy baby and parents.
Sleep Disorders: Sleep Apnea
A Sleep Disorder? Me? But I LOVE sleep and I get tons of it!
Yes, this was so confusing to me. I sleep a full 8 hours a night (I know because I count it). However, I was still waking up tired, feeling sluggish throughout the day and felt like I had no energy..but I thought well, I have two babies, they might not wake me up at night but they sure keep me busy during the day. That explains it.
Newborn Case Study: William
“We didn’t realize we could change our son’s sleep patterns this early but Lily really helped us understand that it’s never too early to improve sleep and you don’t need to sleep train to do so. We are setting him up with some good sleep habits so when he’s ready he will be easily able to sleep independently” -Anne
How Your Mindset Can Transform Your Sleep Experience
What are some commonly held beliefs you hold on to about sleep?
No matter what I try I can’t get my baby to sleep!
I’ve tried everything and I couldn’t get my baby to sleep
I’m so frustrated, my baby just won't sleep.
This won’t work for my baby he is just too stubborn
My baby refuses to nap
These are just some of the phrases I hear when I work with tired parents. I don’t blame them for feeling this way, it’s frustrating and sleep deprivation enhances that frustration ten fold!
So this is the first thing I address when we start working on sleep. I help shift the mindset and understanding of what these beliefs are and where they are coming from. Because we have to be easy on ourselves and our mind doesn’t always help with that, in fact it often hinders.
I give moms permission to not feel solely responsible for how their baby sleeps.
Temperament and Sleep: How To Approach Sleep Based On Your Baby's Temperament
I say this often. All babies are different, because they are human. In fact, we are all born with different temperaments and our personalities start to shine through, almost right away!
Temperament is just the way that our babies respond to the world around them. No temperament is better than another, they are just different. And as such, require different approaches.
Case Study: Matthew - 10 months old
Sunlight and Sleep : Why a better night's sleep starts first thing in the morning
Don’t underestimate the power of light!
Each time I urge parents to expose their babies to lots of sunlight, I get a yah yah response (eyes glaze over). How is light in the morning and during the day help me with my night time sleep struggles? It seems so far removed BUT it’s actually SO influential. Science tells us that sunlight controls our entire biological system including our sleep cycles.
A few tips to get your fill of sunlight!
