I say this often. All babies are different, because they are human. In fact, we are all born with different temperaments and our personalities start to shine through, almost right away!
Temperament is just the way that our babies respond to the world around them. No temperament is better than another, they are just different. And as such, require different approaches.
When my daughter was born, I just expected her to act like a “newborn” having just my, then, 1 year old son as the only bench mark, I was shocked at how different she was in comparison. My son was more active and awake than my daughter and often took a while to settle. My daughter, was CHILL. Nothing really bothered her (even her big brother pulling her arms and legs like a rag doll). Nothing really phased her and she is still is a very go with the flow type personality. My approach to these two babies are very different. My son needs a longer wind down routine to help calm him at the end of a stimulating day. My daughter doesn’t need anything long and drawn out, in fact we keep her bedtime routine quite short or she’ll just fall asleep on us (not a bad problem to have).
We have adjusted our approaches to match our kids personality types because fighting against their personalities will inevitably cause push back.
It’s better to go WITH the wave than against it.
This is why the first thing I do when I work with a new client is find out what the personality of the child is and match the approach we take to go WITH their character traits and not against them. Setting them up for success.
Sometimes, a parents idea of how they want to approach sleep and a baby’s temperament clash. This is when we have to discuss what is going to be the easiest and best approach for BOTH. Because believe it or not, sleep solutions have to fit both a parents parenting style (they have to feel comfortable with them to successfully implement them) AND suit a baby’s personality for them to be effective, quick and easy. You’ll be surprised how easy it is when we have a good personality/solution match!
There are nine temperament traits I commonly look for.
I will use a few as examples of how I would approach each trait (when a baby is developmentally ready to implement sleep training techniques):
Example 1: Distractibility- Is your baby easily distracted? Can you generally take their attention to something else. For example, if they are hungry can you temporarily distract them with a pacifier?
In this case a baby who is easily distracted will likely respond to a gentler more gradual sleep training technique quickly. Whereas, a baby that can’t be distracted is better suited for a faster transition, as a slow gradual technique will be a longer more drawn out process for both parents and child.
Example 2: Sensitivity- How does your baby respond to new situations and people? Does baby brighten when they see something new or are they hesitant and recoil?
Generally, sensitive babies need a slower more gradual approach to sleep whereas babies that are more extraverted can adjust easier to changes.
It’s important to note that all the recommendations that are made are done by analyzing the 9 different personality traits very carefully and no one baby is the same. Also, this is not carved in stone and there are definitely situations when we have used different strategies than what the 9 traits tell us and it has been successful. This is only one factor in the myriad of things I look at in my practice.
Usually three main personalities stand out when looking at temperament.
An “easy” temperament characterized by adapting easily to new situations and approaching them positively. Generally good mood and less or no intensity when faced with new stimuli.
A more “challenging” temperament also referred as “spirited” is characterized by hesitation and withdrawal from new situations, not as easily to adapt, described as fussy and has intense reactions.
An “I’ll get there on my own” personality is a baby that doesn’t react with much intensity but doesn’t necessary like new situations and tends to withdraw. They might be a lower energy and adapt slower. They do eventually get there but just at a much slower pace.
Dr. Harvey Karp breaks this up into four temperaments: Easy, Challenging, Sensitive and Intense.
Either way you slice it, there are ways to best approach any of these temperaments. As mentioned, none are bad, they just require us to tweak our plans so we are working with them instead of against them.
It’s been proven in numerous studies that temperament plays a big role in how we tailor our parenting styles. Every parent knows their child best and it is up to them to decide how to parent and approach sleep.
Taking all this in mind, in addition to numerous other external factors. It’s no surprise that a tailored approach to sleep is much more effective and well, works FASTER.
Let’s talk about what might be best suited for you and your particular little human. So we can get you there with a solid plan. Book a free call with me to chat about how I can help you.
