*Before you read any further, when I refer to “dads”, what I really mean is care-giver, and any support system for mom. So please insert what this means for you and your family. Fathers are not always biological, they can be anyone that helps to raise a child and supports mama. So what I really mean is PARENT.

This has been the most requested blog in my household, mainly because my husband reminds me often that dad’s stress about sleep too. We often talk about tired mama’s but dad’s are in this as well! They have helped prepare for this baby for the last 9 months, been there in the delivery room and bonded with that baby just as much as you have. Yet in the midst of all the chaos, we sometimes don’t acknowledge their contributions (after all, who ran out to get you a burger and french fries when you were 8 months pregnant and had an itch for junk food at 10pm? just me? anyone else? Obviously their contributions are much greater than this, but nothing is more important than that burger at that moment in time.)

My husband always jokes that he is just our porter, there to carry all the bags (and there are LOTS with a baby). He’s often trailing behind us with a mountain of purses, diaper bags and baby equipment.

His role however, is much bigger than that. We are partners and we have an equal responsibility in parenting. However, tread lightly dads, sometimes getting in between a mother and her newborn baby is risking getting your head bitten off by a hormonal mama bear. Or even worse having her looking over your shoulder telling you how to do everything RIGHT. “Oh hell, give me the baby I WILL do it!” Yikes. (Dad’s be patient! It’s the hormones talking!)

Sometimes the dad role is not easy either. Heck, parenting is not easy. It’s the hardest job in the world but the most rewarding and best job in the world, all at once. It’s a whirlwind of love and frustration.

If you or your partner are lacking in sleep, then the job becomes even more frustrating and emotional, hiding all the beautiful moments and sometimes creating tension, distance and a breakdown in communication.

This is why working on sleep is SO important. The studies on how it affects relationships is staggering! Not only is it essential for you, for your baby’s health and development but for your family dynamics and relationships. Especially with our partners.

My husband always jokes that once I started getting sleep I started to be a whole lot nicer, like when one is hangry and has a snickers bar.

When I work with families, I work with FAMILIES. Not just mamas. I always make sure that dads are all in. They need to be involved and in agreement for any change to happen. I also carefully include them in all plans, because they are my magic ingredient ;)

Why dads are key to achieving sleep for the whole family.

They are just as invested as you. They love that baby and need that bonding time as well. A baby can be comforted by dad’s touch just as much. Often a dad is better able to go in an comfort a baby, be calm and help soothe baby back to sleep.
Team work, works! They are an extra pair of hands. Let them help! Allowing dad to take a shift and letting go of all the things you think need to be done a certain way, will give you time to have a coffee, shower and time to re-group. Precious and needed, YOU time.
Time with that baby is just as precious and meaningful to them. NUFF said.
Dad’s can often lead the way in changing sleep habits, they can be the anchor and set the direction. They are often less physically invested and have more energy (sometimes) to help get sleep on track. Let them take the lead.

Four ways dad’s can be the secret ingredient you need to get baby sleeping

Let them take the lead. Together come up with a plan and then let dad carry it out. Mama’s we can easily be overcome with exhaustion and anxiety if we are with our baby 24/7. Split the responsibility and when it’s your time to retreat. Don’t feel guilty about doing it and letting dad take over. That’s exactly how I broke out of the dark cycle I was in with my first baby.
Bedtime routine. Bedtime is such a special time, at least for our family. It can be a time of connection, learning and lots of cuddles. This is mom time but also DAD time. My husband does EVERY bedtime and sometimes if I’m wiped from a stressful day, he will do bedtime on his own with the kids. He loves reading them stories, sitting with our daughter for her last feed and spending time talking to them about their day. This is THEIR time just as much as mine. When dad’s get home from work and baby is going to bed, there are only a few precious moments to take in. Give these to dad.
The dream feed. For some babies 6 months or younger I often include a dream feed in their plans. A dream feed is a feed done before bed (between 10pm and midnight) and it’s a feed when baby is sleeping. You gently rouse baby enough to feed so that their tank is topped up for a nice long stretch at night. This I often delegate to dad (if baby is bottle fed or mom is comfortable using expressed breastmilk). Mom is sent to sleep early and dad will take on the dream feed. This makes a dream team (ha!).
The finishing touch. Speaking of dream team, dad’s can often provide “the finishing touch”. Mom might sometimes need to physically be there to do a feeding but can then hand baby to dad for the finishing touch, a diaper change, getting baby into a swaddle or sleep sack, a cuddle and into bed. You can also have dad bring baby to you for feeding and then back to bed after the feeding so you can rest.

How you choose to include your partner in your baby’s sleep is entirely up to you, as a family. You have to take many things into consideration, for example some dads work early and need to be rested for a day of work or some dads stay home and mama goes to work. This is why all my plans are customized for your particular lifestyle and realities. Nothing is one baby fits all.

Here is my final thought on this, daddies or any support role (grandparents, partners, friends) are important. They are important for you. They are important for baby. They are important for SLEEP. Enlist them and let them help you achieve your goals. You are never alone. Let more love in, let more hands help and let’s gets baby sleeping so you can all rest.

Thanks to the other half of my dream team for inspiring this blog. You are appreciated and loved.