I find that there is a HUGE misconception out there that there is only one way to help your baby sleep independently.
Helping a baby link their sleep cycles on their own can be done using a number of different techniques. Some are faster and some are more gradual, they take time and lots of patience.
Choosing how to approach sleep depends on so many factors that are unique to your baby and family. Nothing you choose should compromise your parenting philosophy.
By working on all the factors that affect sleep first, you can optimize your chances for success.
What is “gentle” sleep training anyway? To be honest gentle sleep training can mean whatever you want it to mean. Usually the goal is to keep tears to a minimum while helping your baby learn a new way to fall asleep and go back to sleep during wake ups.
Here’s the fascinating thing about the human brain. It’s very efficient. It makes connections very quickly so that we don’t really have to think about things. For example: You really don’t have to think too much about how to drive. You just do it automatically on “auto pilot” because you’ve had the opportunity to practice so many times before.
A baby makes these connections quite fast as well, they develop an association between an event and a behavioural response. I feed and then I sleep. This is the only way I know how to sleep because it’s been repeated over and over. Changing these association means making new connections in the brain. This can only be done through repetition.
Repeating something new and not continuing the old association will weaken the connection and form a new one. This is how a new association is formed.
For example: Helping a baby go from rocking to sleep to now sleeping independently with some white noise, lovey or even just their hands for comfort.
This is really what sleep training is, different ways to form new associations or behavioural patterns. Does this mean you can’t comfort a baby? Absolutely not.
Learning something new especially if it’s the only thing they know, is frustrating. It’s easier to stay in our comfort zone (this is especially true for adults as well).
Gentle sleep training helps work on changing the association at a slower pace, gradually reducing assistance and helping baby adjust to a new way of falling asleep and then once they get that, moving away from that again very slowly and towards your ideal sleep situation.
So will this be an easier approach? Many think that Gentle sleep training will be tear free and easier. I’m sorry to tell you that there is NO approach that is tear free, unless you choose to change nothing at all, but even then tears will come from an overtired, fussy baby. Easy is subjective.
Crying is a normal way to protest change. Frustration is a normal human emotion that we all experience. If we never let our babies experience these emotions then how can they learn to navigate them and come out the other side? We as parents try to shield our children from feeling any negative emotion (understandably because it’s not pleasant) but is it helpful to them? If you’re having a bad day and crying or frustrated, would you want a friend to try to shut you up while you're trying to express your emotion or would you want them to hold your hand and help you through it? The key is that we are always responding to our children in a sensitive and consistent way.
Gentle sleep training is just that, having a parent be there every step of the way to provide comfort but not to do it for them. It takes a longer time and lots of consistency, patience and a good weaning plan that parents can stick to, but it works! Just like the quicker methods it gets to the same result just using a different path. A path that a parent chooses and feels best suites their family and comfort level.
No path is the “easiest” path, gradually reducing assistance to sleep requires weeks of consistency and repetition and the ability of the parent to move away slowly from the association. This requires discipline because when you’re tired, the easier choice is just to continue in the comfort zone. Until it’s a short term fix but still feeds a long term problem, chronic sleep deprivation. While a bit of resolve and persistence will create a long term solution.
If you are a parent that is frustrated with your baby’s sleep. You feel your baby is not sleeping well and you are not sleeping well but you feel guilty about sleep training. I invite you to book a 30 minute call with me and I can walk you through your options for a more gentle approach that you can feel comfortable with.
