As a parent we are always worried that our little ones are safe especially during sleep when we can’t keep a “conscious” eye on them. It’s frightening to look at your monitor and see that your little one has rolled over and is face down on their tummy.
What to do?!
Do you:
A. roll them over a million times and risk keeping them awake
B. Let them stay on their tummy and is it safe?
The answer is pretty simple actually.
What is the 4 month sleep regression?
Around 3-4 months we see the biggest and most obvious changes in sleep. It’s often referred to as the “4 month sleep regression”. Although, it is developmental like all other regressions, it’s very different from all other sleep disruptions that are due to development.
It’s a permanent change in sleep cycles. This means that sleep cycles have matured and now look more like adult sleep cycles, cycling from light -to deep- back to light sleep every 90-120 minutes.
Typical signs that it’s happening: …
If you’ve had these common sleep questions you are not alone!
As a Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant working with thousands of families, these are the questions I get asked most often.
I want to give you all the answers here so you can feel confident in making a decision to either make some changes in your sleep or keep it as it is.
In the end, you my tired friend are the only one that can commit to transforming your sleep for good.
Here is all the information you need to so you can be the parent you envisioned:
A question that all parent’s face at some point:
Should I change a poopy diaper at night or worse, early in the morning?!
This is a very scary predicament. Do you change a diaper knowing that it could possibly wake up your baby for hours or dare I say…for good.
Do you take that chance?
Here are some guidelines to follow for those doubt filled moments:
If they are sleeping. Do not wake a sleeping baby for a diaper change.
Now this has exceptions. Generally however, if your baby is sleeping and not uncomfortable then let them wake up on their own.
But this differs for newborns. Newborns will likely need more diaper changes at night. They will also be up for a feed or two at night so at this time, it’s okay to change diapers. They can endure a little more handling than older babies and as we know, they still need some assistance to sleep.
For newborns: Yes change a diaper if it’s poop, but it should be done in the dark (don’t turn on the lights), a little night light or better yet, red light with little stimulation and interaction and back to bed.
For babies over 4 months: This is where it gets tricky. As much as your child is a great sleeper and can fall asleep independently, it’s hard to change your baby’s bowel movements.
The good news is that it’s temporary. It lasts a few weeks and it will eventually shift.
Some toddlers also like to have privacy. to poop so offering that during the day or before bedtime may help.
Adjust your diet: If your little one is on solids we may need to adjust their diet and try not to offer natural diuretic food at dinner or before bed. We want to encourage your baby to have a bowel movement during the day. Avoid fibrous foods before bedtime and stick to foods that will “bind” them up like bananas, apples, oatmeal.
While it’s still important to offer a wide selection of different foods, having foods that will encourage their bodies to have a bowel movement early on will eliminate the need to go at night.
In the meantime what do you do if they wake and need a diaper change?
If it’s poop, change it.
Change poop in the dark and back to bed.
If you are having to assist back to sleep (hold, rock, feed, bounce, bedshare, ect), then that is something you will need to fix first. If your baby is not able to put themselves to sleep these interruptions can cause long periods of awake time and exhaustion for both of you. Here is the next step to fixing that: Your Dream Plan.
What if it’s early morning and you know they will be up for the day?
You have two options:
Change it in the dark with little stimulation and hope they put themselves back to sleep - it may not happen since any interaction in the morning hours can cause them to be up for good.
Wait, if it’s close to wake up time. Waiting until it’s as close to wake up time as possible and then changing their diaper and getting them up for the day. We don’t want them to get a rash but typically they can go a few hours with a poop before it starts to give them a rash.
This is totally up to you and your judgement.
If your baby is really good at putting themselves to sleep, they are more adaptable and can handle a diaper change. If they are not, then wait and get them up for the day a little earlier.
What about Pee?
You don’t have to change pee overnight. Poop yes but not pee. Diapers are designed to hold all night long.
*make sure you have a diaper that fits well, if it’s leaking go up a size or double diaper.
Lather on the cream
When I say lather on that white diaper cream, I mean like icing on a cake. Give a few good layers of protection, that will help avoid any rashes.
Waking a baby fully to change their diaper for pee especially over 4 months will disturb sleep and it not really necessary. If you feel like you NEED to. do it, then in the dark and back to bed awake.
Sleep Issues CAN be resolved
Babies will pee or poo while awake so it may also be that your little one is having issues with sleep and are staying awake for long periods of time so the poop is a result of sleep issues instead of sleep issue coming from poop.
Is there something else that can be waking them up in the early mornings? Check your environment, schedule and how they fall asleep.
That is something that we definitely need to get resolved.
In the end, if you are offering assistance to sleep, then after you change their diaper you will have to continue to assist to sleep. It’s not fair for them to expect that not to happen.
If you want to change this, then you can! You can get your baby sleeping independently and that will in itself solve your problems at night, including diaper worries.
I’m excited to be able to help you resolve this and feel rested and happy, because that’s what you all deserve!
Learn more about how to get a plan and support with me:
I’ve been there...you’re tired, grouchy and ready to throw money at anything that says that it will help you and your baby sleep.
However, not all baby products are worth it. Trust me. When I work with a family, we look at everything. Their house, their schedule, their baby’s sleep environment. Some things do help set your baby up for great sleep, but others are actually working against you. The reality is that your baby’s sleep environment matters.
So are you ready for my list of favourite sleep products? Ready to learn more about the things that are actually going to encourage sleep?
Let’s go! Here are the five things that you absolutely need this year.
If there’s one thing that you get, make it this.
Darkness is the number one factor that is going to help your baby fall asleep and stay asleep.
I tell my clients to make the room dim before bed and then completely dark once you put your baby to bed. Any light that sneaks its way through is going to hit the skin and wake up your baby. Blackout curtains are also a game-changer for making naps easier.
Honestly, I can’t say enough good things about blackout curtains. Here are my favourites:
Sleepout Portable Blackout blinds (discount code: lilbabysleep)
Slumberpod discount code: Lilbabysleep for $20 off (#1 for travel)
Oh white noise...where would we be without you? It’s great for newborns, babies that share a room with siblings and you can take it with you if you’re traveling for the holidays.
You want one that plugs into your wall and one that you can take on the go. The plug in one is key for overnight sleeping. It needs to last the whole night long because your baby WILL wake up when it turns off. 100% guaranteed and this is horrible, especially in the morning hours when they need a consistent sleep environment.
So how loud should it be? About as noisy as a vacuum cleaner in the room, or 55-60 dbl.
Here are a few options:
So first, let’s outline the difference between the two.
Swaddles are for newborns and mimic a womb environment. It prevents newborns from startling themselves awake.
After eight weeks, we need to transition to a sleep sack with the arms out. This is because babies could potentially rollover. In a swaddle, that is so dangerous, since babies will need their arms to hold their heads up.
Sleepsacks are also warm and cozy and snug. They can even become a positive sleep association. Putting on their sleepsack at bedtime can signal that it's almost time for sleep and make them drowsy.
Find the right swaddle or sleep sack here
Watching your baby sleep is way better than anything you can find on Netflix. They’re so peaceful and watching them sleep soundly can give you peace of mind that your baby is okay!
Let’s just make sure that your monitor isn’t going to affect your sleep. Turn down the volume. You don’t need to hear every little noise they make, and trust me. Unless you live in a castle, you are going to hear your baby if they cry during the night.
Okay, this one is a little self-serving, but hear me out.
It’s okay to need help. Sleep is HARD. It’s okay if you want someone to help you come up with a plan because you are just so very tired. That’s where I come in. I look at your sleep environment, your baby’s sleep and all those other little things and come up with a plan with SOLUTIONS that work for your family.
I’m there every step of the way with support and encouragement and understanding. I’m there with the knowledge and experience from all of the families that I’ve helped. I am committed to helping each and every one of my clients get a good night’s sleep.
So, if you want to add long term sleep to your gift list this year, let’s book a call and talk some more.
Book a free 20 minute discovery call here
This is basically all you need! Don’t spend on fancy bassinets, unsafe products that are going to cause more long term sleep problems or bells and whistles that will likely disturb sleep even more. Less is more! Save for the simple things that matter.
My child was always a good sleeper and now we’re up all night rocking, feeding, holding.
What happened?!
The good news is- that having trouble sleeping during the night is temporary.
The bad news is that if you change your response at night, then their expectations change and it CAN become long-term.
There could be many reasons why your child could be having trouble at sleeping at night, some of these include: schedule (sleep needs have changed, overtired, under-tired), environment, development of skills (sleep regression), overstimulation, cold, sickness ect.
It will likely happen as your baby grows. Sleep is not constant but sensitive to many things.
We as adults often still have trouble some nights, especially when we are overly stressed and overstimulated.
While we can’t avoid these types of disruptions, understanding what is happening and what to do, will make bouncing back so much easier.
Now the reality is that sometimes you will have to change the way your baby sleeps and help them, ie. travel, sickness ect. That’s okay!
However, we as humans form associations very quickly.
Sleep Associations are: conditions that the child learns to need in order to fall asleep (such as rocking, nursing, or lying next to a parent). These same sleep associations are then needed in order to fall back to sleep at each wake up.
When you want to get back to sleeping independently, you must change the way your child falls asleep. If you continue to assist they will have no idea that this is not the way they should be sleeping. You have to take the lead to show them.
This is where having a sleep plan is critical. The simplistic answer is just stop doing what you are doing to help and let them fall asleep on their own but I’m a parent and I know it’s not that easy.
So instead, first eliminate anything that can make it even more difficult for them and set them up for success. Look at schedule (is it age appropriate? are they sleeping enough during the day or too much? are periods of awake time to long or short?), environment (is it as conducive to sleep as possible?), calorie allocations (is your child dependent on getting their calories at night? do you need a weaning plan?), make sure they are not sick and only then start to implement a sleep training technique (no this does not mean cry-it-out) that you feel comfortable with. There are many options on how to do this. I help thousands of families choose very responsive methods that fit their comfort level.
It’s important you go back to a predictable, consistent response so they understand what to expect and are not confused or dependent on crying to be helped back to sleep.
https://www.lilbabysleep.ca/freeschedules
Implement your plan for a week and you will see that your little one will see the pattern and get it really quickly! Then you can all enjoy sleep again making your entire family happier!
If you need a plan you can get a step-by-step plan and support through the entire process here: Your Dream Plan.
or book a call and I can guide you in choosing what will work best for your family.
There are alway options and yes you can go back to sleeping all night and feeling rested. xx
Lily
Your Pediatric Sleep Consultant
If you have children like me, you’ve probably used up all your sick days and haven’t left your house in weeks…cue cabin fever.
Daycare is a germ invested hole that has you imagining the worse virus’ on your children’s hands and wait..don’t pick your nose! DONE. The flu.
If this is your life too, you are not alone! Tis the season and no matter how much we bathe in anti-bacterial, germs WILL find us.
So on top of having a sick child, now another worry at the back of many parents minds is…how will this affect their sleep?! I just got them on a great schedule and sleeping independently! (if you haven’t then you should talk to me to do that first).
Don’t fret mamas, I promise it will be okay. A good sleeper will bounce back, yes they will likely wake up more during naps and at night but we have to understand that just like us when we’re sick, they will feel like crap too.
So here are some do’s and don’t to guide you during sickness!…..
When I say this is not “normal”, I always get a gasp.
What I mean is not that your baby’s not normal or that waking up at night is not normal but that unsettled sleep with this many wake ups usually tells us that there is something that needs to be addressed.
Largely and in most cases its schedule related.
“I didn’t have any down time to myself” -Melissa’s story
Melissa needed some predictability and relief.
Her little girl was having short naps, her nap times where unpredictable, mom had to hold her for all naps and she was strongly dependent on feeding to sleep.
Putting little Isabel to sleep took hours. She would go down and wake back up shortly after.
Mom was exhausted. Isabel was exhausted.
As much as she tried herself, she couldn’t get her baby to fall asleep without a feed and for longer than 20-30 minutes at a time. At night she was up every few hours feeding back to sleep each time.
Melissa reached out for help as she was feeling overwhelmed and depleted.
“I was the only one able to put her down for naps and night sleep and needed to rock or breastfeed to sleep. This was really hard on me as i felt all day long i was just trying to put her down for sleeps giving me no time to myself. She was also having cat naps of 20 mins so I really didnt have any “down” time to myself.”
SHE JOINED YOUR DREAM PLAN
We started with walking Melissa through what exactly was happening (understanding sleep is the first step). We got her a solid age appropriate schedule and made sure that she was setting her baby up for success for some solid, longer naps just by finding the right timing to put her down.
We looked at her environment and make sure that was working to help her baby with sleep instead of working against her.
We came up with a game plan on how to settle little Isabel and when and how to put her down.
We resolved her nights first, within the first week and still kept a feed at night but disassociated it with sleep (this is moms choice). So little Isabel was able to feed but didn’t depend on it to be able to sleep.
Once she was getting 12 hours of sleep with Isabel putting herself to sleep on her own with little to no crying, we worked on naps.
Naps can be a little tougher because we are working with less sleep drive but she did AMAZING. The best thing was that mom became confident with sleep, she learned how to troubleshoot when days weren’t perfect (that’s impossible), she was more rested and started loving the time she spent with her daughter because they were all in great moods and happy.
“Lily shared a method that worked like magic for us! It was scary to try but our baby got the hang of it almost immediately! It;s crazy how fast they can learn and adjust. The coaching calls were really helpful as well to help troubleshoot any issues that we were experiencing along the way with the new methods.”
She used all of the support we offered inside of the Your Dream Plan program and learned strategies that helped her become a more confident parent.
SLEEP IS NOW AMAZING!
“SLEEP IS AMAZING! Naps are so easy now, we put her down in her crib awake and she soothes herself to sleep within 10 mins. She barely cries now as shes gotten to the point where she has learnt her nap times and puts herself to rest. I also no longer need to breastfeed her to sleep which was a huge goal of mine.”
Now with her daughter sleeping 12 hrs and getting some great naps Melissa is able to be the parent she wants to be and doesn’t really have to worry about sleep because she knows what to do and how to respond at each situation.
We are so blessed to have families like Melissa’s in the program who use all of the support and execute their customized plans with commitment. They get results!
“Lily was amazing in helping us get our daughter to nap on her own. Not only has this given us so much more time back in our day, but our daughter just seems so much more confident and happy when it comes to nap time! With these changes, her naps are also longer now (sometimes even 2 hours) and so this adjustment has finally allowed me to start getting my life back on track! The coaching calls are amazing as well as I used this as a way to troubleshoot and ask any questions/share any concerns around the sleeping training. Both Lilly and Jen were very knowledgeable and provided so much support.”
If you want to sleep better, you absolutely can be in the same place Melissa and her family are in. 100%.
Learn more about Your Dream Plan here and let’s get you started.
The holidays are coming up and the last thing you want is to be tired and miss out on the memories.
Look forward to getting you YOUR dream sleep.
Lily
Your Pediatric Sleep Consultant
Disclaimer: This case study is printed with the parents permission, but names have been changed to respect client privacy.
If your baby is waking up at 5am and won’t go back to sleep without a feed continue reading, this is for you.
5am wake ups are notorious, they are hard and they can wreak havoc on your day. The last thing we need is to feel exhausted by 9am and then have to endure the entire day knowing you will be up again early tomorrow. Torture for both you and your little one.
Even if your little one goes back to sleep after that feed, as they get older it’s likely that this will cement that wake up and that they will be up for the day at this time. READY TO PARTY 🙀
So how do we get out of this cycle and why is it happening?!
Separation Anxiety happens and it’s a normal part of your baby’s development. In fact, its an incredible milestone in their development!
If it’s seeming more stressful than anything, I GET IT! Lot’s more tears and clinginess and often we see it when a big transition takes place…ahem ahem..starting daycare after/during a global pandemic?!
Yup, that’ll do it!
Although it’s a normal phase of emotional development, it can be hard. Especially when it comes to sleep.
What makes up the ideal bedtime routine?
or better yet…what do you want to avoid? crying? stress? the rush? overwhelm?
ALL OF IT?!
YESSSSSSSSSS.
While it’s impossible to avoid all of these, all the time, a great bedtime routine can help eliminate A LOT of stress and parental guilt.
So what does the IDEAL bedtime routine look like? and does it vary by age?
Let’s break it down…
Length: The general rule of thumb is that bedtime needs to be a wind down. A relaxing time for both baby and parents. Ideally 30 minutes is recommended. We don’t want it to be too long and drawn out or you will have more crying, and we don’t want it to be too short so baby is not given time to unwind (although a shortened bedtime is sometimes necessary and OKAY!).
Stick to 25-30 minutes before bed consistently and you will be just fine.
What really matters is repetition.
The reality is that there is no IDEAL bedtime, just a bedtime that works for your family!
It doesn’t really matter what you do as long as:
It’s in the same order each time
It’s relaxing and not overstimulating (no dance parties)
It is relatively short
If you want independent sleep - baby goes down wide awake
If your baby is falling asleep at bedtime or is overly fussy, we need to take a look at schedule, environment and all the other factors that could be affecting baby’s mood.
Will there be crying at bedtime?
Yes, it’s almost impossible to prevent but there are ways to mitigate it. Although this really depends on your baby’s temperament and should not be for long periods of time or more than a few minutes.
During separation anxiety crying can be elevated but it’s temporary and there are ways to keep it that way. Your baby can still put themselves to sleep, they are just learning new exciting skills, like object permanence.
A lot of crying at bedtime can be prevented but parents really don’t know where to begin. Don’t worry, I’m here to help you through it.
How does bedtime change when I have a toddler/preschooler?
Once your child is old enough to really understand and communicate, we need to approach bedtime in a way that makes them feel empowered and excited.
That means handing over some of the decisions to them.
Boundaries are yours to set. Simple decisions are powerful for THEM to make.
Decisions they can make:
order of when everything happens
how long (give them a choice of 2 min or 4 min and let them set a timer)
what pj’s they where
what best friend they bring to bed
what book they read
How many books (give only two choices)
**all of these decisions should be set out ahead of time during the day and NEVER at bedtime.
Boundaries you need to set:
Bed TIME (lights out)
Follow bedtime rules (stay in bed, close your eyes and be quiet as a mouse)
What are the consequences (set those ahead of time)
Your boundaries WILL get tested. That’s a given, but how you hold them and stay firm and consistent will determine how smooth bedtime will be.
In the end, like everything with sleep how consistent your baby is will be determined and led by how predictable and consistent YOU ARE. You are setting the tone for bedtime.
It can be easy for bedtimes to feel out of control but with a solid plan and understanding of sleep, you can navigate them and avoid meltdowns and stress. You might actually ENJOY THEM and your child will love them!
If this sounds like crazy talk, talk to the thousands of families that I’ve worked with to see how easy they can be!
If you are struggling with bedtime, it’s best to reach out and get support. They are likely not going to fix themselves so it’s best to get it resolved for the long term.
Book a call so I can assess and we can see how I can help you make bedtime the EASIEST part of your day xx
If your baby will only sleep while being held this is what you need to know to make the transition to the crib a lot easier.
Changing how your baby falls asleep is not always simple and this is why it’s so important to have a plan and support through this process.
The process will depend on your baby’s age, your comfort and how strong the association is but here is what you need to know to get you started:
For Newborns:
Newborns LOVE to be held and will often find mom’s arms most comfortable. They love being close to mom and hearing her heartbeat, just like in the womb.
How to move from holding to sleep to your baby sleeping in their crib!
This is why environment and how we set our babies up to feel comfortable is most important.
It’s OKAY to hold your newborn to sleep with a plan to move away from that and getting them used to falling asleep in many different ways (ie. in their crib).
Makes sure that for babies 0-3 month you are swaddling before holding to sleep and incorporate some patting. This patting will help them develop that association so you can start putting them down more and more awake and patting them off to sleep.
Our goal is to get them to fall asleep in the crib even if we are patting and shushing them off to sleep.
If you want to continue to hold to sleep but your baby wakes up as soon as you go to put them down then the key is to hold them until they are FAST asleep. So wait at least 20 minutes until they melt into your arms, then you can put them down.
The environment, the wind down and your ability to regulate your own emotions will be important in achieving this. With newborns it’s just practice so if they wake and cry then pick them back up and try again.
After 4 months old (4 months to 18 months)
At 4 months and older your baby should be ready to start sleeping in their crib, either in your room (room sharing) or in their own room (when to transition baby to their own room).
Set your baby up for success with environment. Is it conducive to sleep? Spend time in the room and in the crib so it’s not a big transition. Don’t even RESCUE a baby from the crib but have them hang out there, move around so they see it as a safe space. *the crib is the safest space they can be in as long as you don’t have anything in it.
Always, always put infants on their backs to sleep. If they roll around and on their belly then they are safe on their belly but always put them on their backs first (this is also relevant for reflux babies).
Wind them down and prepare for sleep. This is a simple but extremely important step that we can’t skip, or your little one’s body won’t be ready for sleep.
Get your little on a great age appropriate schedule and make sure they are not going down undertired or overtired. Here are some free schedules to start off with: 3-4 months, 5-12 months
Find a sleep training technique that works for you - put baby down awake. You can do this slowly or fast, this really depends on your comfort level and parenting style. It’s important to consider age and temperament as well, with this as some sleep training techniques work better for some babies and we have to see what will work for YOUR family.
There are MANY different ways to do this and not just one option (cry it out). This is where I can help you find something that you will be successful with.
Get a solid plan that checks off all the boxes - feel confident with your plan - know what to do and when to respond.
Changing the association with being held to going into their crib awake is not easy (making changes are never easy) but 100% doable and worth it with a solid plan and support. Holding to sleep is a strong association and if it’s not giving you the rest you all need, then it’s time to change it.
The hardest part is the implementation. Have support to help you through that first bump and it will then get easier and you will feel much more confident as you start to see results.
It’s not that your baby hates their crib just that they are not used to sleeping in it so they don’t know what to do. We have to start teaching them to love their crib and that is modelled by how we approach it, by being the calm, consistent coaches that can confidently approach sleep, every time.
Reach out to get your that plan and support so you can enjoy years and years of great sleep without any stress, frustration or tears.
Lily xx
Your Pediatric Sleep Consultant
Toddlers & pre-schoolers are excellent negotiators. Believe me I have two of them!
Everyone is tired at bedtime…except your child is seems. They seem to fight bedtime with every ounce of energy they have left.
And you…well you have no energy left and bedtime drags on and on until you are completely beaten down by a little human with lots of conviction and wants “one more snack”!
What to do?!
Well, bedtime and toddlers/preschoolers can sometimes be given a bad rap, considering they can work well together if only under the right conditions.
First, let’s chat about what’s really happening:
Your child LOVES being with you, they love playing, they love your attention….bedtime for them is non-eventful, boring and blah. Let’s just say, it’s not their top choice. FOMO.
They are also in a developmental phase where they are seeking independence and realizing that they are their own little people. Pushback and power struggles are common after 2 yrs old and add-in exhaustion leading to meltdowns…coupled by a parent’s slim patience at that time of the day, it can be a recipe for disaster or at least many trips back to bed and lots of tears (for both parties).
The important thing to remember is that bedtime is a boundary just like any other that we set during the day (don’t run out in the middle of the street- also a boundary), it’s just placed at the end of the day when being tired plays a huge role in emotional regulation. This just means that it’s extremely hard to hold boundaries at this time and for kids, it’s when they will be most primed to push them.
So how do we prevent the stalls?
HAVE A PLAN!
Making up a response in the moment will rarely give you positive results. Talking about expectations past bedtime is only going to prolong bedtime, engage your child and wake them up more and expect a response next time- which is attention that should be given BEFORE not AFTER bedtime.
So some guidelines:
Set expectations BEFORE bedtime- be clear, concise, and firm.
Build-in ALL the stalls into your bedtime routine, so work backward and make sure all of their needs are met prior to lights out (ie. water, potty break)
Use a timer as a visual - it’s easier to have a third party count down the time. A parent telling them they have to do something will just cause pushback.
Give as many options as possible within the boundaries (boundaries are- lights out we follow the bedtime rules and no discussions will be had).
Be clear on consequences and follow through always - They should know exactly what to expect from you not through your words but through your consistent actions.
There are many other bedtime strategies that you can implement depending on your little one’s temperament but the most important thing is to think about your plan ahead of time so when it comes to implementing you are ready and can go ALL IN!
If you need a plan and the support to get you through then I’m here to get that set up for you to make bedtime easy and painless!
Your Dream Plan toddler has everything you need to get your little one to sleep alone. Strategies that work and will help you navigate bedtimes and wake ups so you don’t have to stress about sleep.
The summer is great but as the fall approaches, I start to crave more consistency, routine and well SLEEP 💤
If things have gone off the rails this summer, don’t feel bad. It happens! It’s normal!
Later bedtimes, skipped naps, lots of short on-the-go naps. All of these are conditions that are going to likely mess with your child’s sleep, but it doesn’t have to be long term.
There is heightened anxiety around this time of year because routines and consistency have been shown to bring us calm, security and de-stress our bodies. The lack of these, can heighten our stress and prevent sleep onset and as a result poor quality sleep and more mental & physical stress overall.
NOW is the time to get back to better sleep, to get back to consistent routines, predictability and calm.
Let me show you how to do this.
Here are 7 things you can start doing now to set yourself up for great sleep this fall…
Bring bedtime up-slowly: It doesn’t have to be abrupt. If you start now you can start shifting bedtime up by 15 min every few days. Depending on your child’s age and wake windows a typical bedtime between 6:30-8pm is ideal for children under the age of 5 years old. Try to aim for an earlier bedtime and think about what you want your days to look like a month from now and aim for that ideal bedtime (plan everything around that!).
**Bedtimes will fluctuate slightly for babies depending on naps that day and wake windows, however should be consistently around the same times give or take. For toddlers and pre-schoolers it can be at a set time.
Set a wake up time: This is probably the most impactful change you can make when it comes to sleep. Not only does it keep your days consistent but it will set your little one’s body clock and improve your quality of sleep this includes naps/daytime sleep. While bedtimes might fluctuate a bit, this should not fluctuate and stay the same every day. Any wake up before your set wake up time is considered a night waking.
If you have a toddler, a toddler clock is great for setting up our little ones to understand the rules around when wake up time is and wait in their bed until it’s time to get up for the day.
Figure out what YOUR wake up time will be (considering school/daycare/work) and then count backwards 11-12 hours to identify the goal for bedtime. 12 hours is what children require and they might not sleep the entire 12 hours but we should offer it and have it as designated “rest time”.
**A very low percentage of children will have lower sleep needs but if they do, they should still be able to wait happily in their beds without being upset.
Re-institute bedtime routine and wind-downs: The great thing about bedtime routines and wind-downs before naps is that they can always be brought back and re-instated.
A bedtime routine doesn’t have to be complicated, it is merely a set of actions done consistently everyday to provide predictability, wind down the body and prepare it for sleep. It can be customized to your family and look anyway you want it to.
Typically bedtimes should be about 30 minutes and include calming and connecting activities for parents and children.
Wind downs before naps are also essential (no one can go from awake to asleep right away) - it can be just 5 minutes and be a few repetitive steps before putting baby down for a nap.
Set expectations: When it comes to toddlers and pre-schoolers it’s important to be clear and communicate expectations around sleep. At this age they understand, and any changes and expectations should be discussed ahead of time so they know what is happening.
Talking about boundaries - what is off limits (i.e. getting up from bed after lights out) is important so your child is not blindsided and understands the consequences of pushing those boundaries. Parents should be firm with boundaries always, we tend to be extra tired at the end of the day but it’s important to follow through especially at bedtime.
Have a conversation before hand, let them know their schedule will be changing.
**Consequences can be anything you agree will happen if the boundary is pushed. i.e. Mom will return you to your bed silently.
You can expect boundaries to be pushed, toddlers are developmentally wired to test boundaries and when this happens, as parents it’s important that we follow through and hold the boundary 100%.
Stay consistent and predictable always - The more consistent and predictable you are, the more consistent your child will be.
Continue to offer naps consistently at the same time each day (i.e. sleep should never be forced but instead offered under the right conditions).
The predictability and thus safety for a child comes from you. When a child knows what to expect they feel a sense of comfort knowing what is going to happen.
Reduce screen time before bed - Screen time close to bedtime not only increases anxiety but also reduces melatonin production which helps with the onset of sleep (This is something that we as adults should be conscious of as well).
Our little ones (toddlers/pre-schoolers) are extremely susceptible to what they see on tv and their imagination is developing rapidly, leading to nightmares and fear.
Instead, opt for a quiet activity that you can do together, this brings connection to bedtime but it also relaxes the mind, making sleep a lot easier.
Make sure your environment is optimal - Ensuring your sleep environment is set up for success is critical, especially during this time of the year when the sun is out longer, but soon that will change.
Darken room as much as possible, black out conditions are best for sleep because they increase melatonin production. Any blue or white light in the early morning hours can trigger a wake up.
If you have a toddler or pre-schooler, you can use a red light (the hatch is a great toddler clock with a red light option) but any other lights are not ideal for sleep.
If you have a baby or siblings sharing a room (or if you are sharing a room with your child) white noise is helpful. I would stick with white noise and not music or anything where the pitch or tone can fluctuate.
Make sure you are dressing your little one appropriately for the weather. We want a cool environment however, in the early hours your child can wake up cold especially as the weather changes. Use a sleep sack to help ensure your child is warm and can put themselves back to sleep easier.
No need to panic, there is no rush if you start now. Take these tips and implement them as you can and how they best apply to your family. It’s important before acting on any of these steps however, that your baby be sleeping well at night. Can put themselves to sleep independently and that you are 100% happy with your sleep at night.
If this is not the case, then the very first thing to do is to reach out and get your baby/toddler or pre-schooler sleeping well FIRST.
Bedtimes will continue to be a battle if you child is not getting enough sleep. Making changes will be harder and while routines and predictability are a HUGE part of achieving great sleep, we need to make sure your little one is able to fall asleep on their own so both work together in harmony.
Reach out, if this fall you want rest for your family. This is the time.
Your Pediatric Sleep Consultant,
Lily Horbatiuk
If you have a trip coming up, you might find yourself nervous about your baby’s sleep- especially if there is a time difference.
This can be stressful for parents, I’ve been there myself!
We fear messing up our little ones schedule and sleep going out the window!
The truth is that there are a lot of things that can “mess” up your schedule, but I promise that those things are temporary. If your little one is a good sleeper and can put themselves to sleep then it should not really make too much of a dent in your sleep at night long term.
The key is to begin with a rested baby. If your little one is not rested, not sleeping well at night, or can’t put themselves to sleep independently…then yes they will be extra fussy and it can really affect them especially while out of their environment.
It might also put a damper on your trip because it’s not fun dealing with a crying baby all night and then dragging your feet trying to enjoy a vacation or quality family time.
If your little one is on a schedule that’s working for them and sleeping well, here are three strategies that you can implement to combat the time change and jet lag:
Plan Ahead
If the trip is under 4 hrs time difference but you are staying for a long period of time (over a week), you may want to start adjusting your time before you leave. Shift time forward or back by 30 minutes every other day (or every day) until you are on the new time.
This works great if you have time before your trip and you can be on a “new time” for a few days before your actual trip.
**Even just adjusting it by an hour closer to your new time, can make the transition easier.
Go straight into the new time
If your trip is over 4 hours, you are staying for longer than a week and you don’t have the time to slowly adjust your schedule before you leave, then going straight into the new time as fast as possible is probably best. Yes, there will be an adjustment period. There will be jet lag, but it should be 2-3 days and if you are consistent should fall into place after that.
You may need to add a catnap in the morning/afternoon or opt for an early bedtime.
For example: if you are now 3 hours ahead and your new time is 6pm but your time at home is 3pm, you may need to add a 30 minute catnap to get you to the new bedtime and then I would opt for an earlier bedtime (6pm new time).
Don’t adjust anything at all
If your trip is short, less than a week and the time change is less than 3 hours…then don’t change a thing.
It might work best to keep your schedule as is, it might actually result in a later bedtime and wake up time which works for later dinners and vacation activities.
It’s also great for less transition when returning home.
With any of these three strategies there are three things you MUST adjust accordingly:
LIGHT is the most powerful weapon when it comes to adjusting our body clocks. You can adjust the light to help your little one’s internal clocks shift and signal sleep. When it’s time for sleep darken the room, dim the lights and cover any sunlight that can keep your baby up.
All of this you can control (most of the time) and if not, do your best..
Exposure to natural light in the mornings and during awake times is also very important to start syncing your body’s clock to the new time.
Use light consistently to tell the body when it’s time for sleep and the body will catch up.
I recommend the Slumberpod to keep your baby’s sleep environment dark at any time during travel..
FOOD is another important cue that tells the body what time in the day it is. Always adjust your meals to the new time zone. This means all snacks, meals and if your baby typically doesn’t eat at night then don’t start now.
ROUTINE can be the key to signalling sleep and winding down the body. Routines cue sleep and help our bodies relax and get ready for sleep.
Always keep your wind down routine (bedtime and naps) consistent and the same. Use it to signal the coming of sleep and prepare the body for sleep.
Bring as much as you can from home that your child associates with sleep. For example: A sleep sack, lovie, pacifier, pj’s, sound machine. Use these positive sleep props to your advantage.
Jet lag is an expected adjustment for all of us and it’s no exception for babies. All you can do is help them adjust as fast as possible knowing that it will take time and lots of consistency.
Use all of the strategies above to help your baby/toddler’s little bodies adjust and don’t be afraid to throw in a cat nap if needed. We can’t control everything while we travel, it’s impossible, so just aim for “good enough” consistently.
And, if sleep get’s thrown out the window, well that’s OKAY!
When travelling our environment is not always going to be perfect. Coming back usually takes 2-3 nights of adjustment but if you a diligent with going back to your plan, then your little one should bounce back quickly.
So happy travels my friend, reach out to get you sleeping first and ready to fly! I want you to enjoy and actually remember these happy moments with your family xx
Many parents are nervous when it comes to crying during sleep training or making any changes that cause frustration. I get it! It’s hard to see your little one cry. The truth is that crying can happen for many different reasons including, that your little one is actually just tired.
Sometimes the need is just for sleep. We want to make sure that all of their needs are checked off but often if you understand your babies’ cries, you know exactly what they need and when to respond versus reacting frantically to every sound.
It’s about regulating yourself, watching, assessing and responding accordingly.
The reality the amount of crying you will get when your baby is exhausted and getting fractured sleep is actually substantially more and long term. When making changes, yes babies will cry. Mostly because they are frustrated and learning something they’ve never had to do before is hard. But it’s temporary.
Crying because of exhaustion can be long term.
If you’re going through a sleep regression there are some things you need to know.
A sleep regression is a sleep disruption caused by development, either physical or cognitive development. It should be temporary, rarely lasting more than 2 weeks BUT this depends on your consistency during the regression.
When you are facing a regression a few things need to be considered:
Babies need a lot more sleep than they let on…you would think that because they are always on the move and ready to GO that this is a sign that they don’t need the sleep or have less sleep needs…but that is definitely not the case most of the time!
However, sleep needs vary and are based on a spectrum that won’t be the same for every child who is the same age. Some, like age and weight, some will be lower on the spectrum, some need more. That is completely okay. Like everything with our children, they will not always fit perfectly into the recommendations and that’s expected! That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong by any means.
The guidelines are only averages and just meant as guides.
The reason I advocate for understanding the sleep needs of our babies is that often, we can misinterpret an overtired or undertired child to be “lower sleep needs” when it’s just that their little bodies are just reacting to be awake for too long or not long enough, which can cause them to fight sleep and have more fractured nights.
I always aim for the recommendations and then let your baby find their ideal wake windows and total sleep times.
Here are some recommendations:
“We will never be able to fully express our gratitude to Lily for giving us our quality of life back! We sleep now more than ever and most importantly our babies sleep 12 hour nights and nap 2 hours during the day.
Lily is the fairy godmother in our fairytale. I say fairytale, because we would never have imaged we would have such great little sleepers with having twins in the same room. But that was no problem for Lily: she knew exactly what to do! Lily’s support was invaluable in our journey to sleep.
Lily is compassionate, understanding, encouraging, knowledgable, friendly and extremely supportive! When she says she is a call away she really is - she was always right there with us whenever we needed her.
Lil Baby Sleep Consulting has been the best investment we have made in our babies and for the quality of life of our family.
Thank you, thank you, thank you Lily! We will be forever grateful to you!”
