What makes up the ideal bedtime routine?
or better yet…what do you want to avoid? crying? stress? the rush? overwhelm?
ALL OF IT?!
YESSSSSSSSSS.
While it’s impossible to avoid all of these, all the time, a great bedtime routine can help eliminate A LOT of stress and parental guilt.
So what does the IDEAL bedtime routine look like? and does it vary by age?
Let’s break it down…
Length: The general rule of thumb is that bedtime needs to be a wind down. A relaxing time for both baby and parents. Ideally 30 minutes is recommended. We don’t want it to be too long and drawn out or you will have more crying, and we don’t want it to be too short so baby is not given time to unwind (although a shortened bedtime is sometimes necessary and OKAY!).
Stick to 25-30 minutes before bed consistently and you will be just fine.
What really matters is repetition.
The reality is that there is no IDEAL bedtime, just a bedtime that works for your family!
It doesn’t really matter what you do as long as:
It’s in the same order each time
It’s relaxing and not overstimulating (no dance parties)
It is relatively short
If you want independent sleep - baby goes down wide awake
If your baby is falling asleep at bedtime or is overly fussy, we need to take a look at schedule, environment and all the other factors that could be affecting baby’s mood.
Will there be crying at bedtime?
Yes, it’s almost impossible to prevent but there are ways to mitigate it. Although this really depends on your baby’s temperament and should not be for long periods of time or more than a few minutes.
During separation anxiety crying can be elevated but it’s temporary and there are ways to keep it that way. Your baby can still put themselves to sleep, they are just learning new exciting skills, like object permanence.
A lot of crying at bedtime can be prevented but parents really don’t know where to begin. Don’t worry, I’m here to help you through it.
How does bedtime change when I have a toddler/preschooler?
Once your child is old enough to really understand and communicate, we need to approach bedtime in a way that makes them feel empowered and excited.
That means handing over some of the decisions to them.
Boundaries are yours to set. Simple decisions are powerful for THEM to make.
Decisions they can make:
order of when everything happens
how long (give them a choice of 2 min or 4 min and let them set a timer)
what pj’s they where
what best friend they bring to bed
what book they read
How many books (give only two choices)
**all of these decisions should be set out ahead of time during the day and NEVER at bedtime.
Boundaries you need to set:
Bed TIME (lights out)
Follow bedtime rules (stay in bed, close your eyes and be quiet as a mouse)
What are the consequences (set those ahead of time)
Your boundaries WILL get tested. That’s a given, but how you hold them and stay firm and consistent will determine how smooth bedtime will be.
In the end, like everything with sleep how consistent your baby is will be determined and led by how predictable and consistent YOU ARE. You are setting the tone for bedtime.
It can be easy for bedtimes to feel out of control but with a solid plan and understanding of sleep, you can navigate them and avoid meltdowns and stress. You might actually ENJOY THEM and your child will love them!
If this sounds like crazy talk, talk to the thousands of families that I’ve worked with to see how easy they can be!
If you are struggling with bedtime, it’s best to reach out and get support. They are likely not going to fix themselves so it’s best to get it resolved for the long term.
Book a call so I can assess and we can see how I can help you make bedtime the EASIEST part of your day xx
