If you’ve had these common sleep questions you are not alone!
As a Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant working with thousands of families, these are the questions I get asked most often.
I want to give you all the answers here so you can feel confident in making a decision to either make some changes in your sleep or keep it as it is.
In the end, you my tired friend are the only one that can commit to transforming your sleep for good.
Here is all the information you need to so you can be the parent you envisioned:
Why does my baby fight sleep?
If your baby is “fighting” sleep, obviously tired, fussy or even a little hyper but just can’t settle or has really fractured sleep (waking within 20-30-40 min after going down), this is a clear sign that your little one is overtired.
This means that their little bodies have been awake for more than they can handle and they are going into a stress response (the body is in fight or flight preparing to not sleep). Sleep is so important that your baby’s body will automatically respond and shut down trying to protect itself (similar to not eating).
The key to changing this is to make sure that you are finding the RIGHT amount of sleep pressure and matching that with the right times of day. Here are some free sleep schedules that can help guide you with this.
Overtired can look very different for every child, sometimes it’s subtle and sometimes very obvious but it usually results in fractured sleep and more crying for naps and nights.
Finding the RIGHT timing to OFFER a nap is key because undertired (not enough sleep pressure) is also a problem and can look similar. This is why a personalized approach is ideal so we can find the right timing for your little one.
Why is my baby waking up every 2 hours overnight and having short naps?
This is a clear sign that sleep cycles have matured!
This happens for some babies as early as 3 months and for some as late as 5-6 months. Either way, if there are associations established, then this is where you’ll notice them.
The good news is that you can also now change them by making changes and developing new ones that are more sustainable and conducive to great sleep.
One big misconception is that “this too shall pass” and waiting it out is the only option. Waiting it out is not doing anything at all to change those associations so it won’t ever change. It doesn’t work.
Now if you are happy to assist back to sleep then yes, don’t change a thing, but if this is causing everyone’s sleep to be disrupted then getting a plan to help your baby learn to sleep independently will guarantee years of good sleep habits into adulthood.
A recent study showed that sleep habits developed early in life affect the quality and quantity of sleep you will have an an adult and your level of functioning and learning as you get older.
It’s never too late to start to develop great sleep foundations and sleep habits that will last your child a lifetime!
When should I sleep train?
Sleep Training is a term that refers to ANY process where we change sleep associations, set up healthy sleep habits and look at the overall sleep hygiene of your baby and family.
Any change in sleep association is considered “sleep training”, it’s really just helping your baby learn to sleep in a new way.
There are MANY ways to change associations.
One of the best known and rarely used methods is “cry it out” (leaving your baby to cry without checking or comforting), it’s misleading because parents believe that sleep training is synonymous with this method and that’s the farthest thing from the truth.
There are very gentle approaches that you can choose that have you as involved as you like.
The difference is the length of time it takes and how slowly you work off the associations.
Just to be clear this doesn’t mean there will be NO crying. The only way to have a “no cry” approach is to not make any changes at all (change is uncomfortable) or make changes so slowly that it takes months which is hard to maintain movement forward, many parents find long periods of time making tiny changes is hard to do and maintain, but if you’re interested there are experts in these methods that can help keep you on track.
In the end, you can sleep train anytime after 4 months of age. At 3 months we can start using some very gentle, very involved strategies.
For newborns we instead work on prevention and setting up great sleep habits so that associations are not developed but developmentally they still need a. lot of hands on assistance.
Is sleep training dangerous?
Sleep Training is perfectly safe. The truth is the science doesn’t support any claims that sleep training is harmful in any way.
“In one study, families were either taught a gentle sleep training method or given regular pediatric care. Then Hiscock and colleagues checked up on the families five years later to see if the sleep training had any detrimental effects on the children's emotional health or their relationship with their parents. The researchers also measured the children's stress levels and accessed their sleep habits. In the end, Hiscock and her colleagues couldn't find any long-term difference between the children who had been sleep trained as babies and those who hadn't. "We concluded that there were no harmful effects on children's behavior, sleep, or the parent-child relationship," Hiscock says.”
There are many other studies that conclude no impacts on a baby phsycological, emotionally or physically. There ARE concrete studies however, that show a clear link between sleep deprivation and harmful lasting effects on children’s cognitive, emotional, physical health and attachment (see references).
In the end, no way is harmful but you do have to choose something that YOU are 100% comfortable implementing and the great news is that there are many different approaches to choose from that will fit your families comfort level and your babies age and temperament.
Read more about this topic here
How do I lengthen naps?
Long naps are really just your baby being able to connect sleep cycles.
This depends on two things: 1) sleep pressure (too much or too little can cause short naps), 2) How they fall asleep, if it’s external ie. feeding, rocking, bouncing, bed-sharing (they will need that to connect that sleep cycle).
Getting sleep pressure right so that is pushes baby back down to another sleep cycle takes some trial and error but start with this nap guide and we can find the “sweet spot” for your baby!
Going down awake will be your biggest predictor of whether they connect sleep cycles, although you can always help if they are young enough. That might mean however, that you will be stuck holding, bouncing, rocking, feeding for the entire nap.
If they go down awake, are you giving them time to put themselves back to sleep after they wake from the first sleep cycle? Remember it takes 10-20 minutes to put ourselves back to sleep, especially if we haven’t really practiced this skill. Intervening and ending the nap too soon can cause short naps.
In the end, naps won’t always be perfect. It’s about having the confidence to troubleshoot your days and know how to adjust to short naps or anything that might come up. This is a key takeaway from working with a sleep expert. I can help you become a master at troubleshooting so that you don’t need to stress about sleep EVER AGAIN. You will know what to do and your baby will be rested so even if things go off the rails, it’s okay. They can bounce back!
Also, remember that naps don’t really start to lengthen until close to 5 months old. So it’s entirely normal for newborns to have naps ranging from 30 minutes to 2 hours (for newborns we cap naps at 2 hours). It’s about offering the right timing, sleep environment and opportunities and then just adjusting your day.
Having the confidence and knowledge to manage your days is a game changer that will relieve all of your stress when it comes to naps (your stress levels, matter as baby can feel them too).
If you feel like you are ready to tackle sleep. Then you can absolutely do it and enjoy your time together feeling rested, energized and peaceful.
Book a call so I can assess and we can get you started.
