Does this sound like your nights?

Baby falls asleep rocking, nursing, singing, bouncing..is then placed ever so gently in their crib and you can finally get a good nights rest. Or not. You go to sleep reluctantly knowing that you will be up in a few hours to rock, nurse, sing, bounce. The seconds on the clock tick away and every second is time you could be sleeping but instead you’re anticipating that wake up. Without fail you’re up at 1, 3, 4:30, 5 and well then up for the day (why not).

You’re exhausted, baby is exhausted and you drag your feet all day in a state of blur.

Let me tell you you’re not alone.

Sleep associations are anything that puts your baby to sleep. What if I told you we ALL have sleep associations. Even as adults, we cannot go to sleep unless there is a set of conditions that have to be repeated at night. For example, I have to sleep in the dark, with a blanket and hugging a pillow. If I get up in the middle of the night, I have to have those same conditions. If you take away my blanket, I will not only be upset but I will not fall asleep as easily. Babies are the same way but to a greater extent.

Why? Because their only way of knowing how to do something is repetition. When you repeat a behaviour a baby will start to connect the behaviour or object with sleep. A means B. Take away A sometimes well then, that’s confusing.

Rocking, nursing, singing and bouncing are normal sleep associations. They are linked in a baby’s brain over time.

Why sleep association are not “bad”

Here is the thing, no association is bad if it works for YOU. If you are OKAY with rocking, nursing, signing bouncing then who is anyone to tell you that they are bad? You keep doing you! No mom guilt!

If they are interfering with your sleep and cannot keep up with them, well then they can be changed! No mom guilt there either!

Sometimes re-directing associations is harder for parents than it is for babies. Babies just need repetition and they quickly get it. I’m not saying that babies don’t have a hard time changing a behaviour that has been engrained with repetition for months. Change is not easy, babies do not like change any more than we do. “Hey this is comfortable for me, why are you changing it up?”.

How to re-direct an association to something that both baby and mama can live with.

Your sleep is important. I can guarantee you right now that your baby will likely not “sleep through the night”.

They are humans. As such we all wake or almost wake at night as we come out of a sleep cycle, we likely wake at least 4-6 times at night or more. Associations help put us back to sleep. Just like you adjust your pillow and turn over, that is you putting yourself back to sleep. Babies do that too.

“sleep training” is any method that re-directs behaviour so that baby links going to sleep with something that is more attainable for the whole families sleep and wellbeing. That is different for every family.

Sleep training is NOT CIO (cry it out). That is a myth. There are many ways to change associations, including very gentle ways. HOWEVER, I will guarantee you that there will be crying. Even with the gentlest ways of re-directing behaviour. WHY? Because that is the only way for babies to communicate.

Now what can you do as a parent? Well that depends on your parenting philosophy. However, most parents choose to allow baby to express themselves and are there for support. I can coach you through ways to continue to be a constant support for babies without needing to franticly look for ways to get them to stop crying. The process of re-directing a behaviour and learning the skill of self soothing takes anywhere from 3 days to 3 months, depending on the method you chose. After that your life will change, if you want it too.

Changing sleep associations can be hard work and requires commitment and consistency. Repetition will be important.

How can sleep props help? When we re-direct behaviour we can give baby a new comfort. Something that they can associate with sleeping. A lovey is a great sleep association, a pacifier, white noise and even their sleep sack. All these can become associations that can help decrease your need for intervention.

It’s about gently removing you as a sleep prob and replacing it with something more manageable for you. That’s it.

Ask me how we can do this together. No need for extreme methods, if you are consistent and committed. You can soon kiss your baby goodnight and know that they WILL wake up but that they can handle it on their own and you can stop watching the clock and just REST. There is nothing wrong with a mama and baby sleeping during sleep time.