It’s a vicious cycle. You’re too exhausted to work on sleep, so you continue to be exhausted. You wish you had the energy to get your sleep situation sorted so you can rest but in the middle of the night all you want to do is SLEEP, so you do anything possible to get your baby back to sleep, so you can get some shut eye yourself. I GET it! I’ve been there!

Here’s the thing, most sleep deprived moms don’t have the energy to brush their teeth let alone be up for hours allowing baby to figure out self soothing, or comforting and providing that support while your baby navigates going from awake, to drowsy, to asleep. We can’t force a baby to sleep, we can’t make them self soothe, we can only provide the ideal conditions and opportunities for them, and be there for them as they figure things out. THAT takes work, lots of patience and most of all consistency.

When you’re tired you’re not yourself. Exhaustion can cause us to lose ourselves in irritability, frustration and sometimes when I’m tired, I just want to cry. And I do. Baby senses stress and feels it, and this affects sleep too. So again, back to this vicious cycle.

If you find yourself in this state of PUMPED! and then TOO TIRED, I’LL START TOMORROW. You are not alone. Overwhelm can also happen easily when you’re tired. My advice, tackle it in pieces. I always break things up for my clients, making a big goal into lots of small achievable goals. Then once sleep starts to come, the momentum builds, you have more energy and anything can be conquered! My free sleep success checklist is an example of how you can break up your sleep goals into small achievable wins! Many small wins create momentum, results and success. It’s about mastering the process in digestible and doable pieces.

Here are five ways to get started:

1) Come up with your BIG BAD GOAL. What do you want sleep to look like in your house? Talk about it with your partner, parents, support system. Come up with a goal. This goal is different for everyone.

You might just want to work on your naps and getting your baby on a nap routine or to nap more than 10 minutes!
For newborns you might want to learn how to settle a fussy baby.
You might be ready to transition your baby from your bed to their crib or bassinet.
You might want to not have to get up and rock or feed baby each time they wake from a sleep cycle or partial sleep cycle.
All fair and achievable goals. Make sure to check with me if your goals are age appropriate or realistic developmentally, I can help you narrow them down and tweak.

NEXT, break up that big bad goal into three small achievable goals from my sleep success checklist. I explain each goal in this free document.

Work on just three small goals or steps you can take to improve sleep habits for your entire family and their wellbeing. Put these goals up where you can see them in the middle of the night, Ie. beside your bed (I wish they had invented glo in the dark post its, if they have…hook a mama up!).

Below these goals I want you to write a mantra: mine was “I love you baby girl, now sleep and grow”. Every time you get up say it to yourself and to sooth baby say it to them. Make it a constant, repetitive sentence. If you feel stressed, say it. Make it whatever helps keep you focused on your goals and lets baby know that you are there for them. This will serve to soothe you and baby.

2) Work on your wake windows during the day, especially the one before bedtime. You don’t have to follow a rigid schedule. You will not be confined to your house for naps. It’s all about balance. I always ask mamas to commit for at least 7-12 days to following wake windows and offering naps in an optimal environment. Then I show them how to customize it for their lifestyle and achieve some great on the go naps!

But first things first, we have to lay the foundations, get baby up to speed on their sleep because if they are sleep deprived no amount of soothing will help their tired little bodies rest. I promise you’ll find that having a rested baby will eliminate many unnecessary wake ups at night.

3) Provide the best environment for sleep. I always say “control what you can control, the rest let go”. Sleep environment is something you CAN control (most of the time, unless travelling). If you can provide a dark, cool environment environment free of variables that will stimulate baby’s brain, then do it. Dark room, white noise, relaxing music, wind down routine. All easy fast ways to lull baby to sleep and keep them sleeping longer. Remember that balance part? Well once you get that step down, we work on re-creating those conditions for busy days on the go, enjoying the outdoors or family time with your baby. For now as your first step. Make the room dark, white noise, wind down routine and put them down awake whenever possible.

4) Wait, watch and assess. Do nothing. This is a very easy step but one that often gets overlooked. I’m not telling you to ignore your babies cries here. I’m merely asking you to take one minute (literally count to 100 in your head), look at your baby and assess wether they are still sleeping and really need your intervention or if they will let out a cry in their sleep, turn around and go back to sleep. You will be surprised by the noises babies make in their sleep! Their REM sleep is crazy loud and they might even open their eyes but are still dreaming. Or partially wake and just fall right back asleep. Hold yourself back just to assess, often picking baby up is what wakes them fully. Then yes you have a wide awake baby on your hands.

I know we want to respond right away to every cry but babies are human and will make noise. Listen to them and take the minute to assess what baby needs and doesn’t need. Often after that minute as you’re heading over to them, bang their back asleep!

5) Commit. Take it one day at a time. Commit to one night, then two. If you can’t commit to a full night of settling then commit that you will settle baby for your first wake up and then do what you have to do to get as much rest as you can for the rest of the night. Commitment, dedication and consistency will help you get to a place where sleep is easy. FOR ALL. Let me help get you there, I will coach you, help you come up with your goals, outline all the steps, explain the science behind sleep (and all the strategies I provide) and work hard to guarantee results. All you need to do is muster a small about of energy to get us past the first few hurdles and before you know it. All will be sleeping beautifully and THAT is the biggest reward and gift you can give yourself and your baby.

You can do it. Nothing changes, if nothing changes.