We all doubt ourselves, mostly because as parents we don’t study sleep or even have the time to think about it until we are overwhelmed, sleep deprived and frustrated.
This causes parent’s to desperately try to get their little one to sleep in any way possible…
Maybe if I let her show signs she is sleepy….
I transfer her to her crib ever so quietly….
I’m up anyway, so I assist her a little at the beginning of the night, so she sleeps longer…
I let him sleep as much as possible during the day…
I feed every 2 hours to make sure he is not hungry…
I get them up to start the day at dawn…
Do you do any of these?
Do they work?
Often they don’t. Some might but are not sustainable unless you are OK with waking up every 2 hours overnight? I’m going to assume that you value your sleep and would rather sleep all night long if you are reading this.
So how can each of these cause the opposite effect of what you are looking for?
These are short-term band-aid strategies. Things we do because (understandably so) we are DESPERATE to get some sleep or avoid a crying child. Am I right in my assumption?
So let’s talk about band-aid solutions vs. long term solutions. Band-aid solutions are ad hoc; you regret them instantly, don’t want to continue to do them or “wing it”.
Long term solutions are thought out with an understanding of what is going on. They meet the needs of your baby and set them up for success. They help them develop vital skills that will yield great results for years to come.
Which one do you want?
Let’s talk about why these things MAY cause unsettled sleep…
Maybe if I let her show signs she is sleepy….Once your little one shows signs, IT'S OFTEN TOO LATE! They are overtired, and they will likely release stress hormones that will prevent them from getting restful sleep and keep them in a very light stage of sleep. This is why overtired children often wake up early.
I transfer her in her crib ever so quietly….and then they wake up. Unless you have a newborn, transferring a baby to their crib while they are in a light stage of sleep will result in a startled baby and frustrated parent! If they do transfer well, then YAY! But they are likely to wake up after one sleep cycle and cry for another round. All. Night. Long. The best place for babies to fall asleep is where they will wake up in two hours again unless you want to hold to sleep many times overnight and through naps.
I’m up anyway, so I assist her a little at the beginning of the night, so she sleeps longer…this is a common one. Parents are up anyway, so they figure if they assist their little one to sleep, they will sleep longer stretches independently. We know that babies wake up fully or partially every 90-120 minutes, and if they are assisted at the beginning of the night, we can’t expect them to do it on their own selectively at the end of the night/at 3 am. So it’s MORE important to have them re-settle in the way you want them to re-settle all night long at the beginning half of the night. It will seldom get you a long stretch but cause more fractured sleep.
I let him sleep as much as possible during the day…Never wake a sleeping baby! NOT, yes, please wake a sleeping baby. This is a complete myth. If your little one is sleeping too much during the day, they will have less sleep drive at night and can wake more frequently. We want to even out total day sleep requirements but not take away from night sleep to give to naps. Night sleep is most important as it’s where we hit our deepest stages of sleep.
I feed every 2 hours to make sure he is not hungry…Unless you have a newborn (and even then newborns usually wake up to each every 3-4 hrs), then your baby (over four months) is likely, not hungry every two hours. However, they can be easy to settle with a feed because it’s the sucking that puts them to sleep. This can cause something called “reverse cycling,” where babies start to get most of their calories in during the night, so start to eat less during the day and it can become a bit of a cycle. The good news is that this is easily fixed but requires careful planning to even out feeds and times.
I get them up to start the day at dawn…Please don’t get up for the day at dawn unless you have to or you are a morning person and want to (if this is you, take some time for yourself while your baby sleeps). It sometimes feels like the easier option to start your day when your baby wakes up, but it cements that time as “wake up time” for their body. Our bodies use external cues to know when to get up for the day; food, light and social interaction signal that it’s morning time! You don’t want to reinforce this wake-up time but instead treat it as a night time wake up and encourage sleep cycles to shift later.
Please don’t feel bad if you do these things. We don’t know what we don’t know, and if you are happy to continue doing it, then absolutely you do you! However, if it’s not working for you, and you want to make a change, then these are the first things I would change.
The best thing to do is to develop a plan, but that depends on your family, the approach you feel most comfortable implementing, and your baby.
Reach out to get you clarity and a step-by-step action plan, so you don’t have to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or exhausted.
Lil xx
Your Sleep Consultant.
