When we think about potty training, we often think about “accidents.” However, a lot of children have the opposite problem - holding it in!
Parents plunk their toddlers on the potty, nothing happens and then seconds later, they're going in their pull-ups, or on the rug. In fact, they may even tell you multiple times that they have to go, only to sit on the toilet and have nothing happen. You might be at your wit's end and ready to give up.
Before we give up, let's take a minute and figure out WHY your toddler is holding it, why it's dangerous and what you can do about it! But, first, let's talk about getting your potty training started on the right foot.
Strong Foundations
How can you prepare your toddler for potty training? First, start with a strong foundation and make sure your toddler is ready.
(Not sure? Check out this checklist!)
Second, take the time to set up your potty training environment. Make sure you have a good potty and that you're ready to commit the time that it takes to potty train.
Okay, so you're ready to go. Now you need to get your toddler ready.
Start talking about it. Read books about it (a future blog post will be on great potty training books!). Get your toddler excited about the idea!
Get them in on the fun! Let them pick underwear with their favourite characters on it. Let them pick out their own sticker chart. Let them flush the toilet every time they go! The more involved your toddler is, the better it will be for everyone!
The next big thing you're going to want to do is to ditch the training wheels, aka dump the pullups and diapers. I know, I know, it's a big deal. But you need them to have that bare bottom time so they can get used to how it feels to go without the safety net of a diaper or pull-up (which, let's be real, is a diaper).
So you've started them off right and you still run into them holding it? Totally normal - let's address why it's happening and some tips on what to do.
Why is my toddler holding it?
Basically, it's the same reason that toddlers do most things that drive us crazy...it's a fear of something new.
Toddlers HATE change, and potty training is a big change. They're used to going when and where they want, and suddenly, there are new rules. Not only do they have to worry about making pee or poop in the potty, but now they have to get up and go TO the potty.
As well, once they have an accident, they may be scared of messing it up. They want to do it right, so their solution? Hold it in and don't go at all.
Going feels scary and uncomfortable.
The Dangers of Holding It
When a toddler holds in their urine, the result can be a UTI. While it's common, it can also be dangerous, so you definitely want to keep an eye out for that.
If a child holds in their poop, it can cause severe constipation and poop build up in the bowels. Then, when they finally do go, it will be uncomfortable and even painful. That makes them want to avoid feeling that way again, so what do they do? They hold it and the cycle repeats.
What can I do about it?
The good news is that there are things you can do to help your toddler overcome this fear of release.
Here are three quick tips to help with a toddler who has a fear of release when it comes to peeing:
Run water or do a water activity on the potty or blow bubbles.
Make them laugh! This relaxes their sphincter muscles, making it easier to go.
Praise them for trying, even if they don't go. The more pressure the more holding.
For toddlers withholding poop, try this:
Think about your environment. We've talked about this before, but using the washroom is a private affair. It may be as simple as moving your potty to a more private area.
Make sure they're getting enough fiber, water and good fats (advocado or coconut milk). This will help make going easier and less painful.
Lots of physical activity with big movement to get things moving!
Of course there are other reasons that your child may be holding in their pee or poop. If you think this is the case with your toddler, then definitely talk to a doctor about it and then book a 20 minute strategy call with me to address it. We need to come up with a game plan in those cases!
NEED A PLAN? Potty training can be super frustrating, but it does not have to be. Find out how our Lil Potty Plan can give you the tools you need to make the process quicker and easier for the whole family.
Happy Pottying friends!
Lil xx
