Why do babies and parents need sleep?

Everything we read online points to sleep deprivation being a prerequesite to parenthood, like chronic sleep deprivation should be expected and accepted. WHY??

While, it’s true that sleep might be interrupted especially during the newborn phase, there are many things you can do to maximize sleep for you and your baby. There is so much we know about sleep now.

Yes, parents will be tired, but they don’t have to be sleep deprived. Moms often feel hopeless that everything they try fails. I’ve been there. Feelings of “I’m not a good mom” creep up (UNTRUE feelings), especially when you’re exhausted (mom guilt is always there waiting to attack a mom in a vulnerable state). We get frustrated, emotional, impatient and short with our families and become someone that we know we are not.

Exhaustion is no fun for anyone, including baby.

What we need to understand is that we are not born knowing this stuff and that’s OKAY. Asking for help is OKAY and all moms need help, especially with sleep.

Chronic sleep deprivation CAN be avoided. Sleep Deprivation is not a badge of honour, there is no award at the end for the most tired battered parent. In fact, the effects of sleep deprivation are no joke. They are harmful to the growth and development of your baby as well as to your mental and physical health and to the wellbeing of the entire family.

If you’re a tired mom and you feel stuck. Know that many of us have been there, in the same place looking to change our situation but not sure how. The only place where you will stay stuck is staying where you are. If you take a few steps forward, you will find you “unstick” yourself and build momentum for change. Reaching out for support is the first step.

If you are feeling paralyzed with exhaustion and information overload (the internet can do that), hoping that this too shall pass. Imagine all the precious time you could save, just by reaching out. While babies go through different stages of development and sleep patterns change as your baby grows, this doesn’t mean that they will outgrow sleep problems.

One of the most frequently cited studies addressing this topic involved 60 children between the ages of 15-48 months. 25 of the children had a sleep problem (night waking, bedtime struggle, or both problems) at the start of the study. Three years later, 84% of those children were still experiencing a sleep struggle.

What about younger babies still waking at night? Among children who had a sleep problem at 8 months of age, 41% still had difficulty at 3 years of age.

Even younger? Among a sample of 1741 Canadian children born between 1997-1998, researchers found that those who were sleeping for 6 hours straight at 5 months generally continued to do so. But for little ones who were not sleeping in a 6-hour stretch at 5 months nor at 17 months, 32.9% were still not getting a 6-hour block of sleep at 29 months of age.

And what about children that are great sleepers and then all of a sudden start waking at night. This is also very common.

Is it possible that your child just isn’t a “good sleeper”? not really. There is always an underlying reason and a good sleeper (whatever that means to you) can be formed just by gently changing habits and establishing some good sleep foundations.

This is good news! This means that no matter what sleep situation you find yourself in, it CAN be changed.

Let’s now talk about what effects sleep deprivation can have on our babies.

If your baby has ever missed a nap or gone to bed late, I’m sure you’ve seen the effects of exhaustion first hand. Tired babies have shorter attention spans and have a harder time engaging with their environment in a positive way.

Learning and brain development

Sleep is essential and has been proven key in the maturation of an infants brain and the consolidation of memory.

Evidence points toward poor quality sleep at 12 months of age connecting to poorer attention and greater behavioral problems at 3-4 years of age.

Babies that sleep more at night have been found to have an “easier” temperament, being more approachable, less distractible, and more adaptable..

In a study of well-rested vs. fatigued infants (i.e. missed nap), the fatigued infants were more easily frustrated and more distressed by a brief separation from their mothers.

In multiple studies of interventions that improved infants’ sleep, parents noted that their babies were more secure, predictable, less irritable, and less fussy.

As you can see, there is SO much evidence for the importance of sleep for babies.

but what about for parents?

Don’t get me started..

Mothers of babies who don’t sleep likely don’t sleep either. The likelyhood of them developing postpartum depression is high. Studies focused on sleep interventions show that when a baby’s sleep improves, a mothers symptoms of depression also disappear. In fact, depression affects babies more that we think, a study assessing many studies showed that mothers suffering with depression had less secure attachment as they could not be as emotionally available, sensitive and responsive.

(sorry dads, I know you’re also experiencing the effects of sleep deprivation but the studies on postpartum depression mainly focus on mothers- we need more dad studies).

In the end, I’m sure all moms would agree that sleep deprivation is terrible. The point I want to get across here is that although we know sleep is our primary responsibility, we often don’t know what to do to improve it.

The key is to understand where you are and where you want to be and let’s build a path there. together. You don’t have to accept it as part of your parenting journey.

Here is your first step: Book a free call with me. Let’s build a plan together.

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/03/study-flags-later-risks-for-sleep-deprived-kids/