If your toddler keeps getting out of bed and it's driving you crazy, you're not alone. Toddlers like testing limits as they learn about the world. But sometimes, their desire for independence can mess with their sleep. The good news is this can be resolved and you now have an expert that will help you every step of the way.
Drawing from my experience with thousands of toddlers, let me guide you through the four most common bedtime mistakes parents tend to make.
Mistake #1: Negotiations after lights out.
Engaging in any kind of negotiation, power struggle or discussion at bedtime is a big no-no. When two parties are involved in a back and forth, it’s engaging. When you are engaging you are not getting anywhere when it comes to sleep. This is not the time to have conversations. Toddlers are excellent negotiators but this is likely going to delay bedtime, create frustrations and cause your little one to get overtired in the process, making it harder to sleep.
Instead it’s important to stay calm, firm and regulated. Set expectations and boundaries ahead of time (what can they expect your response to be) and stay consistent in your response. Silent and boring is the best approach.
Mistake #2: Talk about fears at bedtime
Anxiety often arises from negative thoughts and worries. Discussing heavy topics and fears before bedtime can keep them on your child's mind, potentially causing nighttime spirals and affecting sleep. It's best to address these topics during the day, giving them time to process, and allowing you to develop tools together. Keep bedtime conversations light and relaxing to promote better sleep.
How to set up the ideal bedtime
Mistake #3: Change things up
Change can be positive, but when it comes to toddler sleep, consistency is key. If you don't maintain a stable routine, especially for toddlers who thrive on clear patterns, you risk confusing them and creating uncertainty. One day they sleep with Mom, the next day they negotiate for the big bed, and the following day they may engage in an hour-long battle for extra bedtime stories. This lack of consistency in boundaries can leave your child unsure about where they stand, fostering insecurity and a continuous push against set limits. Breaking this cycle is achievable with steadfast boundaries, clear expectations, and unwavering consistency, providing your child with a stable and secure sleep environment.
Mistake #4: Early transition to the “big kid bed”
This is a common challenge and a significant factor contributing to bedtime struggles for children under 3 years old. The transition to a "big kid bed" is often seen as a milestone and a potential solution to sleep issues by parents. However, it frequently results in new sleep problems and increased frustration during bedtime and throughout the night.
The reason behind the difficulty lies in the fact that children under 3 haven't yet developed impulse control (self-control), a crucial skill for staying in bed without automatically getting up. Without a physical barrier, managing this can be quite challenging, leading to frequent exits from the bed. Although children might initially stay in bed during the first week due to the excitement of the new experience, this is unlikely to be a lasting pattern.
Without a solid plan and some physical barriers to assist, this transition can turn into bedtime battles, night waking, and early mornings. This leaves parents stressed and willing to try anything to get their child to sleep, often resulting in the formation of new sleep associations like bed-sharing or requiring assistance to fall asleep.
The Solution
Optimal sleep for your child involves a careful review and adjustment of various factors. The key to success? Parents with a well-crafted plan, where everyone, including the child, actively participates in setting clear expectations. Without a comprehensive sleep strategy covering aspects like total sleep hours, sleep environment, calorie distribution, power struggles, and fears, disruptions can easily occur. That's why incorporating parenting techniques to involve your child becomes crucial.
Bedtime doesn't have to be a stressful ordeal; it can be predictable and enjoyable for all parties involved. I promise!
Secure a fully personalized plan and unwavering support from a Pediatric Sleep Consultant, guiding you every step of the way. Your Dream Plan Toddler not only restores your nights but also provides the quickest and easiest route to achieving peaceful bedtimes and great sleep for your entire family.
