If your child is experiencing fears at bedtime including being afraid of the dark, monsters or even sleeping on their own, please know that this is very common and usually peaks between 2.5 years to 8 years old.
During this time, your child's imagination is rapidly developing, making it easier for them to conjure up new and scary thoughts. Because they spend much of their day immersed in imaginative play, it can be challenging for them to quiet their minds and fall asleep at night. This might also come up in dreams as they are processing their memories and thoughts.
At this stage it’s important to acknowledge the fear and during the day help them understand the difference between what is real and what is imagined and what that means. Understanding the factors that may be affecting sleep and bringing these fears to the forefront is key to overcoming this developmental milestone.
Here are 7 things to do to when your little one is dealing with fears at bedtime or at night:
Make sure your child is getting the RIGHT amount of day sleep. Often times when your little one is in a light stage of dream sleep (overtired) or up for longer periods at night or bedtime (undertired), their little imaginations have the opportunity to take over. Make sure your child is getting the right amount of day sleep and sleep pressure during the day can help your child fall asleep easier, faster and avoid fears. Here are schedule and daytime sleep requirements by age.
Consistent bedtime routine. A predictable bedtime routine every night will give your child peace of mind, knowing exactly what to expect. This predictability instills in your child a sense of security and can calm and change their anxieties at the end of the day. Talking about positive experiences before bedtime can set them up for better dreams and easier bedtimes.
Set up their sleep environment for success. We want to make sure that your child’s sleep environment is ideal for sleep, this might mean a red light (not blue or yellow light) to help them feel secure if they are scared of the dark. We also want to ensure that the temperature in the room is not going to cause them to wake up cold at night or too warm. We all need to drop our body temperature a few degrees in order to achieve sleep so make sure the temperature is helping to achieve that. TIP💡A great way to drop body temperature is to offer a bath at bedtime.
Limit screen time before bedtime. What your child is watching before bed plays a HUGE role in the quality of sleep they will have and the probability of nightmares or fears developing. Turn off screens one hour before sleep and allow for your child’s mind to rest, this will prevent the imagination from turning those characters/thoughts into fears at night.
Talk through fears during the day. Get to the bottom of what exactly your child is afraid of and address it. It’s important to walk them through the difference between make believe and reality so that they can ask themselves, is this in my mind or is it real. It’s not always easy for children to distinguish the difference but even talking about it can help remove the anxiety and provide reassurance.
Practice coping strategies (what to do when they are afraid) - how do we want the dream to end? Can we dream up a superhero that can come in and change the ending of the dream? This will be all about roleplaying and practicing what to do when bad dreams happen (give your child something to do).
Comfort without putting to sleep or starting new sleep habits. Comforting is very different from helping to sleep. We often feel like our little ones now need us to sleep but the truth is, they need us for comfort but going beyond that is going to cause more troubled sleep for all. So where do we draw the line? Comforting is done when awake, helping to sleep is your presence as your little one is falling asleep. Comfort and then give space to allow your little one to drift off to sleep on their own. With some clear boundaries around this and giving them a game plan on what to do, it can be an easy transition back to sleep without them relying on your presence.
In the end avoiding fear or big emotions around fear is only going to perpetuate it and make the fear grow. It’s important to move through these emotions with your help instead of running away from it by having you help to sleep. As parents we help our little one’s move through big emotions in a safe way but that is very different from doing it for them.
Need help with your toddlers sleep? Together we can guide you in navigating these strategies and coming up with a game plan that works fast and easily. It’s possible at any age and doesn’t have to include cry it out.
Book a discovery call here to get started!
